Very quiet ‘round here……….

Monday May 28, 2007

I get nervous when life isn’t screeching along full tilt, with me hanging on for dear life. It’s not natural for me to have time to do the things I like to do. Like knit. Or sew. Or shop. Or decorate. I feel more comfortable when I’m chronically complaining about the lack of time to do my favourite activities. I somehow feel better about things when I’m over-committed but still accomplishing the minimum of I-want-to-do-activities.

When I am faced with great expanses of un-planned time, like a free Sunday, all day, you would think I would be delirious with excitement, with unrealistic lists of things to do in unrealistic time frames. Or how about several days off in a row – it takes me two days just to get into the groove of being free to do whatever, whenever! Instead I waffle around, picking up one thing or another, never really finishing anything concrete, and in the end wasting the gifted time. It seems I am better off with short periods where I must commit to only one item or task that can be accomplished or have notable progress squeezed within that time slot. I have always been that way – significantly better under pressure. I frequently have to create ridiculously false and un-realistic deadlines for myself in order to spur myself in to frenzied activity.

My family doesn’t get it, wondering why I’m spinning like top and fussing over something that I am supposed to be enjoying. But for me it is part of the creative process. I need deadlines in order to push my brain into thinking through problems and difficult techniques that would otherwise languish in my WIP piles. I notice one of my DD’s is the just same way, though she has not yet reached the acceptance stage that this really is her finest hour and she’ll come shining through whatever enormous task is looming in front of her! We pressure cookers always do, and for the most part we are usually quite happy with the results. But it is a torturous process for us and for everyone around us, and requires great restraint on our part not to take everyone in our path down with us as we fall yet again into the rabbit hole!

Now on Saturday we had a stellar day, my DD’s and I, and made the most of our free time, which we of course scheduled so we would actually do it. The Great Glebe Garage Sale was on, and we hit the streets at decent morning hour, and walked and poked about until we dropped! I love garage sales – it’s like a sanctioned peep show into the lives of our fellow human beings and we couldn’t be a more interesting bunch! The girls and I didn’t buy too much although some of us did better than others, but it was all about the day being spent together, rummaging through the tables and lawns of stuff with the promise of the great find hold over us!! Early afternoon we collapsed with exhaustion and heat on the United Church front lawn under a large tree to eat our polish sausage and sauerkraut hotdogs! Sunburnt, throbbing feet, and in desperate need of a bathroom we eventually returned home – it was fabulous!

Anyway, I checked my calendar, and I’m feeling much better – it is filling up as it should this week, and shortly I should be back to normal, accompanied by many complaints about not enough time on my hands to get it all done!

Knit on……..
Kate