Interesting differences………

I am intersted to know what you think....

Last week a colleague returned from a trip to Vietnam. Just another vacation you say, well not exactly, and the discussion has been ever so interesting around the office.

You see he, a white Canadian guy, went to meet a potential bride. No, not mail order. She is related to the wife of a friend. Was the introduction arranged? Of course it was and it has been in the works for quite some time along with months and months of long distance conversation.

So you can imagine the conversation flow about the office the morning when he arrived back wearing a spanking new wedding ring!

What interested me the most around the office is whose sensibilities, male or female, were offended the most by this arrangement!

I’ll get me out of the way first (and actually all of my female colleagues funnily enough). I don’t really have a problem with it in this particular circumstance. Now don’t role your eyes and get your feminist knickers in a knot. Does that mean I would be happy to have had my marriage arranged? No. I wasn’t raised that way, and this is the culture to which I am accustomed. And I live in a world that doesn’t have a problem if I don’t even marry at all, and there is no stigmatism attached to being single and female. Lucky me. However, this is not the case in some countries. It is often difficult, both educationally and economically, for women to compete inside such male favoured societies. Do I think it fair? No. Do I think it is reality? Yes. Would I like to see it change? For sure! And one way that might happen is when an inter-cultural marriage introduces a new way of thinking into an extended family. If logic follows, then my colleague’s new family will not only have choices never before available, but will also be exposed to different ideas about the value of women in society. I see this as a potentially good thing.

What is interesting is to watch the reaction of the guys around me. Some simply have no opinion to share, offer their congratulations, and move on gently wishing him happiness and contentment. A few are even openly happy and excited for him, but they are the minority for sure. Many others however, behind my colleagues back, make disparaging comments and shake their heads in disbelief, muttering words about lack of foresight or better judgment. This is something I didn’t expect. I expected most of them not to really care to have any opinion, for them to be more in the first category. What makes it more than interesting, is just how many of those particular ones who disapprove have shared in the past their own negative commentary regarding their own marriages. Hummmm… makes you wonder – could they be a bit envious that my colleague just up and went and found himself the dream girl he’s always wanted, instead of just settling for a passionless and less than adventurous lifestyle.

My colleague has searched for years for a life partner, and not found the right one. He is a simple guy with simple life goals, wanting only to work hard, and share his life with someone along the way. With every passing year, he grew sadder and more than a bit bitter at his inability to find an uncomplicated match. I’ll grant you he can be a stick in the mud at times, making his options all the more limited, but I do believe that everyone deserves a little happiness in life. I applaud him for finally, at middle age when most people are who they are and highly resilient to change, expanded his thinking to entertain the idea of a potential match from another culture, another society who doesn’t carry the same stigmitisms and complications, so prevalent in we Western girls (myself included!). Is this a bad thing? I don’t think so in this case, for both parties. She is more than old enough to be making her own decisions, and even past an age enough to decide that there will be no children. They both seem to be getting what they want, safety, security, and companionship and perhaps with time, the bug they seem smitten with will bloom into full-fledged love and respect. Stuff of pipe dreams you say – well maybe, or not. Stranger things have happened.

Oh, I am not so naive as to think that this semi-arranged marriage is not without its possible pitfalls and risks, in particular to my colleague. She could get here and a few years in, leave him taking half his life’s work with her. I can only hope he’s sensible enough to have protected himself in all the ways possible. Although not much mends a broken heart, now does it.

But for now, I choose to have faith that with love all things are possible, and will enjoy watching my colleague learn all about the ups and downs of marriage from the sidelines.