Crackers….

I think I am losing my mind. No I don’t think, I know. I’ve gone crackers.

I’m calling people by the wrong name, typing words that have nothing to do with what I’m trying to say, and returning phone calls to people, who, although seem happy to hear from me, are not the original callers!

This is how extreme fatigue hits me. I’m present in body, but the mind is completely out to lunch… it runs endlessly in circles, never really stopping for long on any one thought, leaving mayhem in its wake. Conversations I think I had, never really took place, actions I should have taken, didn’t, and plans that need to get made, don’t materialize.

I need a vacation, or at least a serious mental pause. I need to think of nothing. Absolutely
nothing. Zero. Zilch. Zip. A blank space (well obviously we’re almost there now, I can hear you saying!). I don’t even want to think about what’s for dinner, or what to wear, or where I need to be in the next 5 minutes.

So, since my schedule has actually been re-adjusted yet again (happens everyday lately), I see a hole. A big one! A whole day where my presence is not going to be required, I think. I hope. I pray! Knock on wood, and seize the day! Grab it now, and block it off on the calendar. Growl viciously at anyone who proposes alternate plans.

What is this opportunity to re-gain my sanity, rejuvenate my soul, reacquaint myself with, well myself? Why it’s a OKG roadtrip of course! Yup – going to Perth to Janie H. Knits
on Sunday! Woo-hoo! There’s going to be a Rowan distributor there, a trunk show, some local alpacas, and of course Janie’s amazing collection of yarn-y goodies to peruse. Heavenly! Just thinking about it is blissful, a state of mind I have not seen lately!

And yes, despite my pledge to knit only from my stash this summer (which I am doing by the way – I’ll run you down the list in a sec), I will allow myself a ball or several of something lovely from Janie’s store, but I will be mindful of my severe space constraints. Lots of skeins out, a few in is acceptable I think.

So what have I been knitting? Well, my stash knitting is not too creative, but 10 x 50g balls of mixed mohair/acrylic and three balls of Sidar cotton blend are being worked into a fat and thin mixed media scarf/shawl suitable for the fall. And 6 balls of various cottons, cottons blends, baby soft acrylic, and at least one ball of the softest bamboo have all been used up in knitting various versions of one-skein beanies.

They are cute, fun and knit up quickly and help me to feel I doing something personal for the recipient. I can’t say if they will be worn – but if they don’t, I’ll send them on to others in need. And I’m in the home stretch of my travelling Knitpicks socks where progress was stalled briefly after our hospital visits became less frequent, thankfully!

There, that’s 16 balls of yarn out of my stash! Not bad, now is it?

Knit on…………

With a little help from my friends…………

All last week I have received gifts. Gifts given from the heart. Gifts of friendship, and love, and caring.

One of my closet friends, a very busy mum with one toddler and one babe in arms, found the time and energy to make us more than several wonderful microwaveable meals, I swear enough to feed us for a month, and delivered it along with her husband combining it with a badly needed visit with the G-man while I was yet again at Emergancy for another long late night. What a treat to come home from work on Friday and not have to cook on for most of the weekend, and we are still working on the leftovers, and I think there is still more in the freezer.

Another sweet neighbour had us over for dinner on Sunday night, allowing us to get a break from both the house and the care-giving, and DD1 some quiet me time with us still being close at hand. She has offered to be a neighbour on call several days a week, should our patient need anything in a hurry. What a dear she is, and how re-assuring for me.

And yet another darling friend, calls or e-mails everyday to check up on not only our patient, but all of us, to ensure we have everything we need, and to be the strong shoulder to vent on should it be necessary. I look forward to those encouraging daily affirmations that we are headed in the right direction, doing the right things, and the surety we will make it through this challenge in one piece.

My dear friend Susan calls me regularly to check up on us, offering her love and support, to remind me there is still a knitting life outside of my bubble, and charms me with details of her progress on her Kauni cardi, and the latest Japanese fabric choice for her nieces quilt. It is a bright spot in my day, and gives me time to catch my breath, clear my cluttered mind - she is the pause that refreshes me!

And on Friday the mailman brought something rather special from a far-away place. When I arrived home after work, it was sitting on the counter, and my heart jumped when I saw the address. It was from my friend Sanna in Finland. Now you will recall that Sanna and I have never actually met in person, but have become wonderful long distance friends through KTS4
last fall. It was evident early on that we had much in common besides knitting and tea.

When I unwrapped the pretty purple tissue, I found three things. A note, a book, and yes – a pair of handknit socks (look you can see here Sanna's picture better than mine turned out!).

Sanna had sent me a Mother’s Day gift along with her well wishes and thoughts for our family. I cannot tell you how touched I was, and how the tears of gratitude for her friendship and thoughtfulness filled my eyes. From so far away Sanna had sensed a need in this mum and she had known just how to fill it.

The lovely book, titled “Who will comfort Toffle?” is a classic in most Scandinavian homes, read to children and adults alike to provide comfort and encourage friendship and confidence in all who read Tove Jansson’s story. As you can see Sanna, the little storybook has been read by all the members of our family, and is already destined to become a standard in our home too!

As for the glorious socks, they are permanently ensconced on DD1’s feet, promptly claimed and happily pronounced them perfect for lounging in during lengthy recovery periods. The colour is a whisper soft variegated purple in hand-spun merino of beautiful quality. And need I say anything about the knitting, except that it is perfect in every way possible. The stitch pattern is simple and pleasing and shows the yarn to full advantage. Sanna even had the foresight to make these heelless, so they might fit any foot size. They are simply beautiful, and made even more so because they were a gift from the heart. Here they are in already in action:

Now can you see why I am so blessed? How I know that we will succeed in our quest for good health and happiness? How can we not, with friends like these supporting, loving, and nurturing us every step of the way.

As the song says:

How do I feel by the end of the day
Are you sad because you're on your own

No, I get by with a little help from my friends, with a little help from my friends.

Knit on…………

This too shall pass …

The enormity, and the longevity of the situation is really starting to hit home with each member of the family. But we maintain a positive outlook, and truly feel we cannot lose if we hold to our belief that “This too shall pass”, which is the mantra our family has long used to outlast the most difficult of times.

To help you understand, if you are curious, this is what has changed our family, and our beautiful DD1, this past month:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hodgkin's_lymphoma.

And to help pass the time spent waiting and keeping watch, the sock knitting continues, small and plain, but somehow very comforting. The sock knitting travels in my purse, always at the ready when my hands become too restless and my brain needs distraction. Another pair of Knitpicks socks in Multi Peacock colorway is almost complete, with the second heel to be turned tonight.

I’m glad I bought so much sock yarn earlier this year - my stash has purpose now – to keep me entertained while on a tight budget!! I found many yarns I had forgotten about when I emptied out my craft room to return to its bedroom status. I have sweater yarns and sock yarns, and yarns for wraps and shawls and many other lovelies. And even though I rid myself of all those little teeny tiny balls of the end of the skein for other projects, I still have an enormous collection of odd balls which will work up into warm and soft scrap-ghans and scrap-wraps, perfect for cozying up under, which I think there will be a lot of that going on soon.

Monday I took some me time (while the G-man held the fort, and DD1 was still in hospital care recovering slowly but surely) and spent the evening in the very excellent company of the OKG knitters - just what I needed to rejuvenate my soul. The topic was lace, and the samples on display were incredibly beautiful. Items included many shawls of course, and a hand knit wedding dress from the 1980’s, and hand knit lace nightgown set from the 1908 or there about was brought in by one member. Incredible work!

It was an inspiring evening, with lots of hugs and soul boosting affirmations from my knitting pals – surely just the place to be for refreshing my spirit!

Knit on……….

What do you think of this……….

During the past month, as the enormity of our situation unfolds, I worked on the first pair of Knitpicks socks, the pair whose color stained my hands. The first sock knit beautifully, color staining aside, striping in an oh-so-lovely way. The second sock, started after the difficulties arose, looks like this:

Now why do you think that happened?

I am mixed – the rebellious side says leave it – it is a good reflection of the state of my mind at the time. The do it right and make it all match-y, match-y side of me says rip it out and re-knit it and make it stripe properly again..

What would you do?